LETTERS FROM LOVE — With Special Guest Stephanie Chinn!

We are not in trouble . . .

This week, my friends, this beautiful community grew to over 50,000! When I dreamed up the Letters From Love project I had no expectations about how it would be received. I just knew that I felt compelled to share this practice of self-compassion that has saved me a million times over, and it’s been the joy of my lifetime to see how you all are connecting with your own Love!

Welcome to the newcomers, and welcome back to the rest of you!

And so should you! Speaking of love, my dear friend Sharon bought this for me in New Jersey and sent it all the way to Costa Rica!

This week, I got some very pragmatic advice from Love! I asked for specific guidance, and I got it. My letter reminded me that there is solid ground between the two extremes of being swallowed up by social media and giving it up completely. I have struggled in the last few years to figure out my place on social media, and its place in my life. The thought of participating in a forum almost defined by its toxicity and addictiveness had been nagging at me, which is partly what steered me to Substack: when we do what we do here, it feels like we are fellow exiles from that world, looking for a safe home. But I am slowly understanding that our engagement over there, with guardrails, and approaching it on our own terms, can be conditional and even — I think? maybe? — not unhealthy!

Also this week — inspired by our talented special guest, the artist Stephanie Chinn — I played around with the fun technique of non-dominant-hand drawing and writing, which is exactly what it sounds like! And what a GREAT antidote to perfectionism, since your unpracticed hand is not intended to be “good” at this. I encourage you to try it and enjoy how freeing it is to create something without worrying about the result. You will feel, in a wonderful way, like a little kid.

And what my drawing told me is what I seem to always need to hear again and again: You are not in trouble. I am starting to believe it. I am a reformed good student, and I am starting to believe it.

So maybe the theme of this week was changing expectations: you don’t have to be artistic to draw, and you don’t have to be obsessed with social media to use it. Balance, my dears, in all things — that’s the goal. Let’s go!

Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

My darling, you have asked me to help you understand your relationship with social media. What a good question! What a fun question! I thought you would never ask.

First of all, my little human flame-thrower, be very careful about going on the attack toward something you once loved. Social media has been in many ways an extremely good friend to you. It has sold books for you, and told people about events you were doing, told people about projects you were working on — including this one, which you love so much. In many ways in your life, social media has accomplished its most shining promise — which was to bring people together from all over the world in the name of hope and love and good fellowship. It has brought you joy and laughter, and it’s been a wonderful tool that you have used to educate yourself, to raise money, and to uplift others. So be a little respectful, before you go bashing and trashing it, now that you know all the other stuff about it — about how damaging it can be to the human brain, how the algorithm stimulates addiction, how it has undermined democracy and pushed people into silos of extreme thinking, how its bullying can kill, and what it does to women’s sense of their own bodies. You have a righteous streak in you, child, and you like to burn down whatever offends you — and there are things about social media right now that offend you. So you kind of want to burn it down. You kind of want to cast it out of your life, and complain about how awful and evil it is.

But Lizzy, baby, can you slow your roll for one minute? It serves me not at all when you are full of righteousness and polarizing thinking about anything — and is that not the very thing that you dislike most about social media? The righteousness and the polarized thinking? Have I not warned you many times over the years to not become that which you are fighting against? Have I not warned you against the inherent dangers of fighting, period?

My little rage-bandit, as usual I will tell you to seek the middle way. You can have a peaceful relationship with everything in this world — including the online world. Be neither an addict of social media nor an arrogant renunciate of it. You want to watch some good dog-and-cat-video content at the end of the day, just to unwind? I see no reason not to. What’s not to love about a good dog-and-cat-video content spree? You want to make an announcement, share a photo of a haircut, a meal — why shouldn’t you? But do you need to spend two straight hours staring at the screen? And when you post things, do you need to go back and look at it throughout the day to make sure you are still loved, by counting how many likes you got, and from whom? Is that useful? Do you need to doom scroll the news? Is that the right place to learn the news? I wouldn’t think so, if I were you.

But listen — if you DO end up overdoing it (and sometimes you will, because you’re human) do you think you’re in trouble from me?

Never, little one. You are never in trouble from me. But there is such a thing as “best practices.” And together, one day at a time, we will find the middle way, the gentle way.  

My love, your inclination is always to either do something at full bore or to run away from it and hide in a cave, far from the world. I want you to do neither. I want you to not be an extremist. Love wants you to stay in the world as the world is — to show up in all settings (whether it’s online or in real life) as yourself, and as a moderate person. To neither binge nor to purge. To neither attack nor to run away.

There is no aspect of your life in which we cannot find peace. Even on the apps.

I love you dearly. Go slow, go peacefully, listen for my direction.

All is well.

Prompts

Two ideas for you today, Lovelies! Perhaps you would like to draw a non-dominant-hand picture of yourself, and see how you feel toward that little person? (If you choose to accept this mission, and you’re feeling particularly brave, show it to us in the comments!)

And/or — perhaps you would like to ask Love what it thinks about your relationship with social media.

And, of course, if neither of these options speaks to you, you can always just write a simple letter from Love, answering this question: “What would you have me know today?”