LETTERS FROM LOVE — With Special Guest Moe Miyahara!

Pride goeth before an ascent

Dear Lovelets,

Many years ago, when I was going through the darkest time of my life (divorce, depression, despair, disconnection — all the bad D words) there was a period of time when it seemed like all I could do was sit in the same corner of my couch, day after day, and cry.

Always the same corner. Always the same tears. Always the same terrible story running through my head, about what a failure I was, how lost I was, and how ashamed of myself I should be.

I dreamed of changing my life, but at that point, I couldn’t even change my DAYS.

Until one day I had an inspiration: I decided to challenge myself, to see if I could do something different. Something radically different. I decided to see if I could get up from the couch, while still crying, and stand on one leg.

Nothing else needed to change — not my divorce proceedings, not my inner monologue of self-hatred, not even my tears. My only challenge to myself was this: “See if you can stand on one leg.”

And I did it!

I stood there all alone in my living room, crying on one leg — something different!

I changed my life!

I proved that I was not stuck in a rut after all.

And I was SO PROUD of myself.

(Sometimes it’s the small things, right? But the small things add up.)

My loves, will you allow yourselves to be proud of yourselves? Have you EVER allowed yourself to be proud?

That’s what we are here today to discuss.

Our special guest is the artist and graphic designer Moe Miyahara, whom I met on my speaking tour in Europe this spring. Moe upended her entire very respectable life recently, in order to move from Japan to Denmark and pursue her dreams of becoming an artist. Spoiler alert: SHE IS ALREADY AN ARTIST.

We could fill an entire newsletter with Moe’s art, and it wouldn’t be enough. Here’s one otherworldly place she’s created (more below!).

I was so moved by Moe’s story when I met her that I asked her to be our guest here. And I love that her letter introduced the radical concept that perhaps she should be proud of herself, for her courage, and for all that she has changed about her life recently.

Is there something you should be proud of, that you haven’t been giving yourself credit for?

Ask Love this week, my dears. Ask what you should be proud of.

I can’t wait to read your letters, and I LOVE YOU!

Love, 

Your Lizzy

Dear Love, what can I be proud of today?

Oh my fluttering little sunflower petal, you are so afraid of being proud of yourself. You are so afraid to say that you have done a good job, ever, or that you have ever done enough to qualify you for a pat on the back.

Isn’t it funny how accomplishments — even the really big ones — somehow don’t quite do the trick in terms of making you feel like you can be simply proud? And have you noticed how sometimes you forget?

You forget what you have done, how far you have come, the things you have survived, the ways you have been valiant and good.

What would it mean, to know your own courage and goodness?

Remember when your sponsor praised you for something once when you were working the steps in recovery, and you brushed it off immediately, like, “It’s not that big a deal”? And she caught you at it, and asked you if you could pause for a moment and really take that praise in. She said, “When someone says something nice about you, can you imagine just rubbing it into your skin, like lotion?”

Some part of you fears doing this, for fear it would somehow spoil you — make you egoic or self-centered.

But my darling, self-abnegation is also self-centered.

Another part of you is afraid that if you take credit for anything you have done, that you are somehow dismissing God, or not acknowledging your privilege, or not addressing how lucky you have been, or not thanking all the people who have helped.

Sweetie, as with many things, you make it more complicated than it is.

To be proud of yourself is simply to recognize and acknowledge the truth about something that happened.

Something difficult arose — a challenge, an opportunity — and you met it with courage or creativity or compassion.

Take a moment to see yourself clearly. You are one who tries very hard to meet her life with courage and creativity and compassion.

You can be proud of that.

But you asked me for specifics, so let me stop speaking in generalities.

I will give you one beautiful thing, one incredible thing, that you can be proud of:

In the last five and a half years, you have learned to live alone.

This is something you always wanted to do, because you knew in your heart that you needed it for the advancement of your soul’s journey in this lifetime. But you were never able to do it, because your deep desire to be enmeshed in romantic love, your codependency, your love addiction, your trauma, and your fear of being alone in a quiet room with your own mind all conspired to make you into someone who could never be solitary.

But look what you have become!

You travel alone now, you live alone, you go to social events alone, you visit your friends alone (often as a third wheel, which so many people hate, but which you kind of love), you take care of your own financial life, you take care of your own home, you make your own creative decisions — and most of all, you have learned to self-soothe, in the dark moments.

In the process, you have become your own partner.

You have become your own first responder.

You have become the parent to your own frightened inner children.

You know how to speak to yourself gently now, to take away the demons.

You are your own secure attachment.

I have watched you do this over these last few years, and I burst with pride for you. You have refused to abandon yourself into yet another relationship, giving yourself away to someone who very likely cannot even meet their own needs. You have resisted temptations that looked very pretty on the surface, but which you knew would only take you farther away from yourself, and from me.

You have been valiant.

You have been kind.

You have been noble.

And — my darling, my child — you can be proud.

I love you.

Prompt

Let’s try this: Dear Love, what should I be proud of? The nice thing about this one is that it applies to EVERYONE. All of us. Toot your own horn, or let Love toot that horn for you. Whether you secretly know the answer or you find yourself surprised by it, I want to read all about it in your letters. (And know that I am proud of you too!)

Ticket alert! Next month I will be leading a weekend workshop called “Love Magic” at the Kripalu Center. There are a handful of tickets left, AND Kripalu is making tickets available for a Friday evening livestream on September 6th from 7:30-9pm ET. The subject (are you ready?) is love! Specifically, how I learned to become my own best friend, my own loving parent, my own secure emotional attachment, and how you might achieve your own “friendlier mind” — because as you know, I believe there is no better way in to a life of creativity, re-invention, and serenity than developing a sense of self-mercy. If you’re interested, you can check out more info and tickets here.