LETTERS FROM LOVE — With Special Guest Sabra Boyd!
The pausing ground
Dear Lovelets,
Hello brave souls, and welcome back — or, to the newcomers, just WELCOME.
Our special guest this week is my friend Sabra Boyd, who is one of the bravest women I know. I sort of hate having to call people brave, because it often means that they have survived great harm and torment — harm and torment that they did not choose — and Sabra certainly lived that. Her story of having been sexually trafficked as a child is hers to tell, and she has used her voice as an adult to tell that story (and the stories of other victims) in a multitude of forms, not only through her groundbreaking journalism and activism but also as a performer most recently on the stages of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. GO SABRA!
I have known, loved, and admired Sabra for years, and I was delighted when she accepted my invitation to write herself a letter from love — which she reported to me later was exactly the pre-op medicine she needed, to prepare herself for surgery (which, she is happy to report, seems to have lifted a good deal of her pain. Thank heavens).
Inspired by Sabra, I invite you today, if it feels safe and comfortable, to ask the Spirit of Unconditional Love (what we call SOUL around here) what it would have you know about healing your body. And I trust, I deeply trust, that if you ask for guidance, you will be given guidance. I believe that with every fiber of my own healing body.
I also wanted to thank all of you who reached out in the comments last week to give guidance to the newcomers, about how to write themselves a letter from love. You were all so kind and gentle with each other — as always!
A special thanks to Lovelet Wendi Gordon, who wrote this wise advice to newcomers (and to those who have been “sitting poolside”) watching and reading these letters, but still — understandably! — fearful to try the practice for themselves.
Says Wendi:
“There is no wrong way to do this. And like any skill, it gets easier with practice. And if you write Letters From Love and never share them with anyone, over time you will probably find, as I did, that it becomes easier to actually believe that you are loved and worthy of that love. As for thinking you’re not really hearing Love’s voice, but just writing what you long to hear, if you feel better after writing it, does it really matter whether the words are yours or from some Divine external source of love? And can you allow for the possibility that you are one expression/channel of Divine Love, so your own words ARE, in fact, Love speaking to you?”
Yes yes yes yes yes yes, Wendi! THAT PART!
You are, each and every one of you, an expression/channel of Divine love.
Therefore your own words ARE, in fact, love speaking to you.
Let it speak, dear hearts. Let love speak to you, through you, as you, with you, and for you.
And let’s keep going.
Love,
Your Lizzy
If you’d like to write your own letter from love and don’t know where to start, let us hold your hand.
Dear Love, how should I heal my body?
Hi Bumbletruck!
First of all, can we reword the question? Can we say: how WILL you heal your body, not how SHOULD you heal your body? And also can we change the pronoun to “we” instead of “I”?
Second of all, “should” is such a mean word, and thirdly, you are never alone when it comes to healing.
So here is our simple answer: with friendship, sweetheart.
With friendship.
We will heal your body with a spirit of deep, gentle, constant friendliness.
Do you remember what you have learned recently about a revolutionary new evolutionary idea called “survival of the friendliest,” which reinterprets Darwin’s notion of “survival of the fittest”? It suggests that perhaps it is not the toughest, the strongest, and the most aggressive who survive, but those who can best practice cooperation, social bonding, emotional regulation, trust, and reciprocity.
We would like you to relate to your body the way you relate to Pepita: with a good combination of healthy food and snacks, play and exercise, affection and trust. We know that this is not what you want to do. You want to push it. You want to build bone density by lifting heavy weights, and you want to build endurance by running long distances. I’m sorry, would you make Pepita, who is probably your same biological age, a nice middle-aged woman, lift heavy weights and run long distances? You want to build leanness through caloric fitness and fasting — but I’m sorry, would you make Pepita starve and fast? Would that be good for her? Would that be friendly?
No honey. You take care of her with gentle, good, orderly direction, and the right, appropriate amount of movement and food, of love and rest. You can do this for yourself as well.
But let’s talk not about fitness levels (and by the way, your grandmother lived to 102 without ever stepping foot in a gym, or doing cardio; she lived to 102 by going for walks, gardening, and being with her friends and family). No, please darling, let’s not speak of fitness, which your culture exaggerates, distorts, and worships — the same way it exaggerates, distorts, and worships money and power.
Let’s talk about how you — we — are going to heal your body. Not build a body, shape a body, but heal a body. Let’s talk about how we are going to heal the memories that your body carries within its tissue, within its tender living flesh. Memories of sexual trauma, of grief and loss, betrayal and shame, and the inflammation of pain and fear. And the tightness, the lack of breath, the shared anxiety your body is carrying right now (as so many are) as your senses take in the world around you. How will we heal that?
I know everything that has ever happened to your body, and I know everything you ever did to it, too — and I know everything anyone else ever did to it. I know every instance of neglect, every instance of abuse, every instance of self-betrayal. I know every substance you ever imbibed, and every tremulous detonation of adrenaline, cortisol, sugar. And your body knows, as well. And yes, to a certain extent, it “keeps the score,” although doesn’t that sound a little unforgiving, a little punitive?
Think about the best, kindest, most loving, long-lasting friendships that you have. Nobody is keeping the score, right?
Nobody is keeping the score.
You yourself have a beloved friend, someone you think of as one of your besties, with whom you barely spoke for almost 10 years because of real harm that you caused to them when they were young — but as time went by, apologies were made and accepted, and you came back into each other’s lives and neither of you is keeping the score.
Think of the beautiful friendship that you now have developed with your ex-husband, after all these years, because amends were made and accepted, responsibility was taken, tenderness was shared, and nobody has to keep the score anymore, and now your hearts just rest with each other in mutual fondness and acceptance. Your hearts, for each other, once again have become a resting ground.
Can you be this for yourself, to yourself? Can your body become a resting ground for your spirit — which is what it was always meant to be? Can your body become a safe house? Can your body become a place of pause, of security, of listening, of trust, of love, of acceptance, of forgiveness, of welcome — from which you can then radiate love and service outward, as you long to do, as you do do, as you will always do?
Sweetheart, your body is a mammal, and mammals, by nature, survive through mutual trust, reciprocity, and friendliness. Your body is not an enemy, nor is it a project. It is a tired witness to all that Earth School has done to it and is doing to others — but it is not only tired and wounded; it is also a resilient, forgiving, loving friend. It grows, it changes, it sends messages to you and others not only of pain, but of hope, pleasure, and joy.
Sweet dove, we will heal your body with friendliness — with mutual trust and reciprocity. The same way you are healing every relationship in your life. The same way we are healing the world, one act of quiet goodness at a time.
Let’s keep going, little light.
We are with you. We are with all of you. Listen to us, and we will show you, individually and collectively, the way. We are right here, and not going anywhere.
Prompt
So much of our time together in this community has been spent reminding ourselves and one another of the importance of embodiment — and remembering that our flesh, bones, mind, and heart are of one piece. This week is no different; if you choose to join me, you can pose this question to your own Spirit of Unconditional Love: Dear Love, how should I heal my body? And if that’s not for you, there is always, always this: Dear Love, what would you have me know today?
