LETTERS FROM LOVE — With Special Guest Jonathan Fields!

On the fear of falling behind

Hello, friends!

At my fiftieth birthday party, I gave a toast in honor of friendship. I would most likely never have a 20-year marriage, I reflected, but I’d already had 20-year friendships, and 30-year friendships, and 40-year ones too. The last few years have only reinforced for me the importance of friendship for my emotional sustenance, support, daily entertainment — you name it. (I count those of you in the comments as friends too, as I feel I know your hearts!)

So it’s been pure joy to reunite with old and new friends on my Europe tour (I’m about halfway through now — see you tomorrow, Cologne!). In London, I caught up with Luca Spaghetti (whom EAT PRAY LOVE readers will recognize as having a huge heart and the best name ever!) and the incomparable

Emma Gannon

. And in Stockholm, I got to spend time with my beloved friend Sofie — best known to EPL readers as Swedish Sofie!

And our special guest this week is another old friend — podcaster/writer/author (and now Substacker!) extraordinaire,

Jonathan Fields

As you know if you’ve been here long enough, I love this Substack ecosystem because it reminds me of early-days Instagram, back when that place felt like a new, nontoxic, fun and real way to connect with others. I don’t think the sustained relationships we are forming in the chat here could happen anywhere else now, and so I’m thrilled to welcome my people here one by one!

Jonathan’s letter is all about taking stock of whether he is in the right place in his life professionally and personally, and overcoming the nagging suspicion we’ve all felt about lagging behind in . . . fill in the blank: societal expectations, childhood goals, whatever gauge we use to measure these things.

I’m especially excited to bring you Jonathan’s letter today because today also happens to be the launch of his Substack —

Awake @ the Wheel with Jonathan Fields

!

And another bit of synchronicity: the conversation we recently recorded for Jonathan’s podcast, The Good Life, has just gone live here — Jonathan & Liz pod. I hope you enjoy it!

Lots to explore this week, so let’s get to it!

Dear Love, what would you have me know today about “falling behind”? 

Oh, my dear little urgent clock watcher.

First of all, I love you. Thank you for coming to sit with me and speak with me again today, as we do every day. I love the sweetness of your questions and the seriousness of your little furrowed brow, as you ponder what feels to you to be such big questions of life. I honor your sincerity, my bright little overthinker, and I love how hard you try to get it right.

But can I remind you now of a story that you already know?

Do you remember the story of the woman who signed up for a month-long silent meditation retreat with a famous Japanese visiting meditation teacher back in the 1970s, back when the Western world was just beginning in earnest to discover the expansion of consciousness? Like you, this was an ambitious modern American woman who was very earnest in her seeking of inner peace, and, just as has been the case for you many times, she jumped into something full-on before understanding exactly what she was getting into. She had no history of meditation before this retreat, and it turned out that she hated it. It made her miserable. Sitting motionless upon a hard cushion every day, and sleeping alone every night on a futon in a stark room that felt like a prison cell, while eating bland meals with people who didn’t even speak to each other felt like hell for her.

After a few weeks, the woman felt like she was having a nervous breakdown — and I know, my dear, that you know that feeling, too — so she approached one of the monks and said that she wanted to leave the retreat. He reassured her that this was fine, but said that it was polite protocol for her to meet with the great Japanese meditation master in person before departing, in order to explain to her host her reason for wanting to go. 

So the young woman was given a private audience with the great teacher, and she explained that she was in over her head, that she could not take the silence, that she felt like she was losing her mind, that she hated meditation, and that she wanted to return to the real world, because she had other things she would rather do with her life — and was it okay if she left now? 

The meditation master sat in silence for many minutes, smiling at her with infinite compassion and tenderness. And then, after a long time, he finally bowed to her and said, “You are always free to leave, my dear. But there’s nowhere to go.”

Angel child, that is my answer to your question about feeling like you might ever be “falling behind” in life. My quick response is: falling behind from what? But the deeper truth is: THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO.

You can neither get ahead nor fall behind in life, sweetheart — no matter how much you strive to make your dreams come true, or how terribly you appear to fall or fail. Because wherever you go, you are always in the same place — with me (whether you feel it or not) hovering in the infinite NOW.

To even ask this question about “falling behind” introduces the notion of comparison, and comparison can only ever be a function of an over-anxious ego. Your poor ego never stops measuring itself against itself, against others, against time, against measurements and markers that you yourself invented in your own worried mind.

But honey, it’s all a dream.

Please trust me: there’s nowhere to go.

Time is an illusion, sweetheart. Your ego is a hologram, at best. All your markers and measurements and goals are waking dreams — because the truth is that your soul is eternal, as is this conversation, as is this moment. You have endless chances and lifetimes to play around with, to evolve, and make fun with shapes and forms and stories, and even plans and adventures, but where could you ever really go but HERE, in the beautiful, omnipresent now?

You’ve never missed an appointment or a goal in your whole life, little one, no matter what it feels like. You have never made a mistake, no matter what it feels like. You have never wasted time. How could you have — or else you wouldn’t be here right now, where you’re supposed to be, in this moment, enjoying our never-ending reunion? 

Rest easy, child. You’re right on schedule.

Just stay with me, and stop measuring.

There is nowhere to go. And that, as it turns out, is the best news ever.

Have a beautiful, simple day.

Love, LOVE

Prompt

This week, my friends, why not join me in asking this question — Dear Love, what would you have me know about the feeling of “falling behind”?