LETTERS FROM LOVE — With Special Guest Tara Roberts!

The Explorers Club

Dear Lovelets —

I recently read an article in the New York Times (don’t ask me to find it; of course can’t find it!) that was very interesting.

Apparently some smart person (a scientist? a reporter?) confirmed that it has been PROVEN IN STUDIES that if people speak to themselves kindly in the second person, rather than speaking to themselves despairingly in the first person, it is far better for their mental health.

Here, let me offer you an example:

If you say “I am burned out,” it increases your sense of hopelessness and helplessness. You become even more of the burned-out person, defined by it, and trapped in that identifier.

But if you say to yourself “You are burned out, sweetheart,” it creates a tiny cushion of both detachment and empathy, which makes it possible for you to look upon your exhaustion from a slight remove, with the eyes of a friendly outsider. Now, instead of being the burned-out one, you have taken the form of a kindly stranger who is here to help.

Like: “You are burned out, sweetie, and you deserve to get some rest.”

Or: “You are burned out, and it would probably be really helpful if you turned off your phone and got outside today.”

Or: “You are burned out, and it is not your fault — you’ve had some big blows in your life recently — but I am here to be with you through this difficult experience.”

Reading this article about the power of speaking to yourself as “you” reminded me that early in our Letters From Love journey, we heard from my beloved friend Shankari, an IFS practitioner who taught us that there is a big difference in which part of the brain gets activated when you ask someone how they feel ABOUT themselves, as opposed to how they feel TOWARD themselves.

Thinking ABOUT yourself triggers the part of the brain that is judgmental and criticizing.

But asking how you feel TOWARD yourself triggers the part of the brain that creates empathy, belonging, connection, and kindness.

These letters from Love that we are writing and sharing every week are a compassionate effort to turn TOWARD ourselves. By addressing ourselves as “you” we are fostering a sense of inner friendship. We are extending a hand in peace.

This week the special guest extending herself a needed hand in peace is the wonderful explorer and author Tara Roberts, who spends her life investigating and uncovering the hidden depths of both the ocean and history. And I am THRILLED that Tara’s book, just out — WRITTEN IN THE WATERS — is our next Onward Book Club selection. You can watch Tara and me talk about this extraordinary book live on Instagram on Thursday, March 6 at 7 pm ET.

In honor of Tara’s courageous work as an explorer, our subject this week will be just that: exploration. What will The Spirit of Unconditional Love (SOUL) have you know about exploring? Where will you go next? What will you find?

I can’t wait to find out in your letters!

Love,
Your Lizzy

Dear Love, what would you have me explore next?

Little wombat, our answer is simple: the inner world is the next adventure. The limitless, bottomless, vast, silent, solitary sanctuary of the inner world.

You have seen so much of the outer world and had so many experiences of people, places, and things — and of course those experiences will keep coming. But now, in the second half of your life, as the outer world seems more unstable and dangerous than ever, we want you to take the same rapacious curiosity that once thrust you all over the planet with a hungry, fascinated appetite, and we want you to turn it inward.

We have only just begun to show you the depth of love and wisdom and wonder that we have for you when you go inward, but you must go inside — even deeper inside, for even longer periods of silence — in order to find more.

My darling, do you think it is an accident that it was in the middle of a silent night, all alone (even heartbreakingly alone) that you first heard the voice of Unconditional Love — and received the instruction to get paper and a pen, and write a letter from it, to you? Do you think it was an accident that you had the idea to create this community when you were walking alone in the woods one day, in silence? Do you think it’s an accident that you can only hear Rayya’s voice when you are in silence? Do you think any of these moments of intimate, transformative, mystical communion could have come when you were at, say, a party, or a rally, or concert, or a game, or even a quiet dinner with friends?

No, darling.

The heart cannot see itself reflected in an agitated surface, dear one — only in stillness can it be seen. Or as your old friend Lao Tzu said, “Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.”

The world can be so muddy. So seductive and overstimulated — beautiful, frightening, jarring, distracting, sensual, painful, alarming, dangerous, fabulous, wild, and without question interesting — but it’s all a mad jumble compared to the infinite divinity and quietude available whenever you close your eyes, go into silence, and wait for us to arrive.

Don’t be afraid to take more time to be alone, little seed. Meditate even more often, and for longer periods of time. When inner silence gets uncomfortable, boring, or agitating, sit even longer. Know that every discomfort that you sit through becomes — as I often tell you in meditation — the next doorway, the next portal, that you will pass through on your way to an infinite peace.

I can promise you that there is a world within you that is every bit as big — no, far bigger — than the one that you see, feel, and read about in the news every day with increasing fear. Go into the silence that is within you more frequently and, I swear to you, that stillness will counterbalance every bit of madness you see around you. It is of equal weight. No, it is of greater weight. When you become anchored in that deeply silent inner temple, you will become — anyone can become — a sanctuary where peace abides, not only for yourself but by extension for others.

But you will find other things in the exploration of silence and solitude as well, besides mere peace. (Although “mere peace” ain’t bad.) You will hear guidance that will make every decision of your life a non-decision; you will simply be told what to do and you will know, and it will be easy. You will know God, and the God that you know will be your God — not the God you were ever told about, but yours. You will find acceptance and surrender for all that you have done, and all that has been done to you. You will see and understand the perfect nature of everything.

All of this is available to you right now, dear heart, without traveling anywhere. We know there are places you still want to see. But there are even more beautiful places WE want you to see. Follow my voice, and I will take you there — to an ever-available inner sanctuary, which, once you have found it, will mean that nothing, nothing, nothing can ever frighten you again.

Come with us, dear — we are just getting started.

Prompt

This week let’s adventure together, by finding out if we are meant to literally, physically adventure, or if the exploration in store for us is more of a cerebral or meditative journey. (As you know by now, I’m a big fan of both!) If you want to join me, just share my prompt: Dear Love, what would you have me explore next?